i lost my sense of self when i had my hips replaced

I had wrote this down on a post card and was going to mail it to post secret, but then i remembered I had this blog and maybe someone else can relate

"i lost my sense of self when i had my hips replaced"

I had my whole identity built around my arthritis, my pain and my failing hips for years. As i found myself more and more unable to participate in events people my age attended I withdrew into myself and became depressed. I started trying to make friends that I could keep up with and that usually meant groups of people much older than myself.

Now I find myself struggling to relate to these older groups I've become integrated in because my pain and fatigue levels, while far from ordinary for a 31 year old are  miles better than they used to be. I miss young people! I miss their zest for life!

Something I never thought I'd struggle with is the reduced chronic pain level. I had become so accustomed to such a high amount of pain, that now that I don't have it, I feel other pains more severely. Does that make any sense? I'd built routines around the pain, and I don't know what to do now that  don't have that specific pain. Like, I used to lay down just about every after from 2:30-4 with a heatpad on  my hips and read or nap. Now I find myself not needing to do that, but still wanting to lay down and read with the heat pad.

There's a disconnect between my new abilities in my legs, and what feels like continually decreasing mobility in my hands, elbows and shoulders. and neck. It honestly feels like there's new solid frame in the middle of my body. And like my upper body feels all new support on it, and my lower body feels relief.

I find I'm really struggling with depression again. I'm on a wait list to see a therapist. I don't whether this lost sense of self is from depression, or the depression is from it, or if it's all just related back to idk. Like some sort of self-feeding loop.

I feel like since I've had my hip replacements, I've been given a whole new chance, a new shot at life, but I don't know what I want to do with it. I don't know who I am.

Before and After

My hips pre-replacment

My left hip post replacement on March 05, 2019. Taken April 17, 2019

My right hip post replacement on May 07, 2019. Taken on June 26, 2019.

Walking Update Videos

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Walking unaided; I still have walking issues and prefer to use my cane, but I can do short jaunts unaided which is more than I can say about before my replacement. I talked to my physio clinic yesterday and they did a walking assessment and said that my issues come from my lumbar region being very stiff and are going to start to work on loosening it up. #hipreplacement #hipreplacementrecovery #walking #everystepcounts #2hips2bfit #arthritis #osteoarthritis #coxavara

A post shared by Trenna Schram (@trenna.so.hip) on Jun 22, 2019 at 8:07am PDT

Walking Assessment

I asked at physio today if I could get my walking looked at because something felt wrong. Like it felt like my torso and ribs were moving when I walked. After I described the feeling the clinic had the head physiotherapist look at me instead of just the physio assistant who monitors me.

It took like an extra twenty minutes at the end of the my appointment but I think it's going to be worth it. 

It turns out that the big issue with my walking is in my lower lumbar region. He said it's all stiff and tight and pinching nerves from the years of correcting for my hips before. He said that it doesn't move well it's forcing all of my movement to come from my hips instead of flowing naturally through my body. Without asking me about pain he identified exactly where my back is always hurting and described the nerve pain I've been getting.

So starting next week, the head physio is going to work with me on my back doing some chiropractic adjustment (he trained as a chiropractor and physiotherapist) to help loosen up my low back.

A bit of physio

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Some more physio work. #hipreplacement #hipreplacementrecovery

A post shared by Trenna Schram (@trenna.so.hip) on Jun 21, 2019 at 11:49am PDT

Recovery Blues

I think I've hit the recovery blues period. I feel like I'm not making enough progress, even though I know I'm making similar progress to my left hip. I went down to my cane on the weekend, and have been practicing stepping up with my right leg. Even if I'm not climbing with it forward yet. In physio I'm still taking things easy, as are they. Without the goal of the second hip coming shortly after starting physio, it feels like we're taking things slower this time too. 

I didn't need a nap today for once! My night sleep is still messy, but I've accepted that it's gonna be shofted towards a late schedule with a nap instead of an early one without a nap.

Laughs With Mom

I laughed with my mom this week that she's gonna be an orthopedic care taking specialist by the end of this year because my dad booked his knee replacements for July and November earlier this week.

Walking Stability

So I think I have finally figured out what feels the most stable way to walk right now. My left hip wasn't liking the one crutch supporting my right hip with nothing supporting the left so I've been relying on 2 crutches a little more even though I've been using them more like Canes. 

I tried one crutch supporting my r hip and my urban walking pole supporting my l hip. It worked alright for outdoors but was awkward indoors. Finally I tried my crutch supporting my r hip and my cane supporting my L hip.

These 2 different stages of healing are AWKWARD. Especially since I feel like my left has been set back in trying to rebuild muscle and has less muscle stamina than before.

Home Again & Weight Loss Goal

I'm back from my country vacation. It was a well needed relaxation period and honestly got me walking on uneven surfaces which I can tell re ally helped strengthen my legs. 

I start physio tomorrow and boy am I ever glad. I need the gait training so badly.I 'm off 50% weight bearing, and have been doing my day at half on two crutches and half on one crutch. I'm noticing how bad of a "waddle" or a wobble I have without using 2 crutches. 

Things have pretty much just been progressing but I'm still dealing with some swelling and incision site issues. I bought some compression shorts because the swelling is so high up, and I'm icing 2-3 hours a day. I also bought some non-prescription compression socks because from using the TEDs I learned that the compression reduces the pain I get in my ankles and knees. 

Sleep is still an issue for me {see posting time lol)}. I think some of it is actually my mattress though. I went from the nice mattress in the guest room at my parents house back to mine and cursed at how uncomfortable mine is and how much it hurts to lay on. 

I really can't believe that I'm 3 months and 1 month out from my new hips. They're literally life-changing just in how much more supported my body feels. 

On a non-hip related achievement I hit half of my total weight loss goal! And let me tell you having the knowledge that I've reduced the amount of pressure on my joints and hit my lowest weight since I was 15 feels amazing.

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I know they say numbers on the scale are unimportant but this 133. 6lbs represents my lowest weight since I was 15. It represents 15 lbs weight lose, with another 15 to go. It represents 150lbs of pressure off of my new hips and my knees that will need replacement in the future. It represents my diabetes being under control. It represents hard work. #weightloss #fitness #arthritis #diabetes #hipreplacement

A post shared by Trenna Schram (@trenna.so.hip) on Jun 5, 2019 at 9:00am PDT

Happy One Month Anniversary to Righty

Walking Update

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Some more walking. Updated at 12 weeks left hip, 4 weeks right hip. #hipreplacement #arthritis #recovery #hipreplacementrecovery #coxavara

A post shared by Trenna Schram (@trenna.so.hip) on Jun 5, 2019 at 4:27pm PDT

Happy 3 Month Hippiversary to Lefty!

The best ice pack

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These cooling gel mats from #dollarama are the best #hipreplacement ice packs when frozen because they cover a lot of surface area and have three panels. #recovery #icepack #iceislife

A post shared by Trenna Schram (@trenna.so.hip) on May 31, 2019 at 10:19am PDT

Wanting to break restrictions

I'm at that stage where I want to break my 50% weight restriction. It's annoying because I know I'm not quite ready to, but I want freedom from the crutches. I have to be careful not to break other restrictions too because my hips feel better than they have in my entire life.

Now, I did something to my right hip today trying to sit down. I went for the couch knee first and felt something twist. The pain has been relatively low, maybe a 2,but it's more than I've had in a few days. I'm keeping an eye on it and will go to the hospital if anything feels off. 

I had a full 7 hours of sleep last night! Victory is mine. Mind you I went shopping yesterday for my 3 week right hipiversary and treated myself to a pair of new pants that fit my new hips. 

I can't believe that getting my hips replaced changed my body shape and my hyperlordosis is starting to self-correct.

Pain & Fatigue

Last couple of nights have been miserable as I've been repeatedly woken up by pain. And I'm having swelling issues again. It's all bunching up in my upper thigh and along the incision site. Temperature wise, it feels no different from the rest of my skin so I'm not terribly worried about it. I've just been icing, acetaminophen(1200mg) during the day and percocet(10mg/650mg) at night.

Some of it I think has to do with the weather, and some of the pain has to be from a different activity level. There are more stairs at my parents place, the house is longer and walking on uneven ground instead of city sidewalks.

I'm still resting a lot. Fatigue hits me hard maybe half an hour after an activity and I have to lay down and rest, if not fully sleep for a half hour or so. My dad's chair is mine for now, as he built a raiser platform under it because of his knees. I wish my sleep wasn't so broken at night.

Look what I can do!!!!!!!!

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This is the most I've been able to spread my legs in as long as I can remember. I was actually embarrassed to even take a pre-op video because I had so little movement. #hipreplacement #hipreplacementrecovery

A post shared by Trenna Schram (@trenna.so.hip) on May 24, 2019 at 5:07pm PDT

Staples Removed and Vacation!

My staples are out! They were so ready to come out that they were all pushing out of my skin. The incision looks fantastic. My surgeon said that the implant is fixing well to the bone. Another 2 weeks of 50% weight bearing, and then a week 75% before going to 100%.

Then he said physio after June 4th for muscle strengthening and gait training, down to using no walking aids. I see him again in 6 weeks.

My mom took me to the country to her and dad's place. I've got a few more stairs to climb but it's a nice break from the city. My Aunt called and said her and Gramma were going to visit me tonight (they were going to drive 2hrs to the city and were super pleased to find out they only had to drive half an hour to mom's place.)

Everyone was actually surprised that I was visibly taller when I stood next to mom. And that my posture looks better because the hyperlordosis caused by my old hips is starting to self-correct and it doesn't look like I have a shelf at the bottom of my lower back.

I also got to cuddle the cats because they both ambushed me before I got in the house.

 

i hate sitting!

I hate sitting right now. My hips immediately let me know when I'm too close to 90°. My tailbone and pelvis are miserable. My back dislikes the "lounging" position that makes my hips feel good. I have about 5 pillows out and about in the various chairs I sit in and on the end of the couch. 
Any time I sit for half an hour, I then have to lay out for an hour to get rid of the pain. 

My sleep is still a mess because I'm dealing with night pain and crashing from fatigue during the day. I'm hoping to sleep better tomorrow night because I picked up a new to me mattress that is only 4 years old and hasn't been slept on in 3 years compared to my idk how old it is mattress from the last time I moved and had to leave my bed behind and this was provided free of charge. 

The swelling has finally gone down!That has lowered my average daily pain down a lot. I
wish I would have measured my leg at the various points of swelling. I ended up taking one 250mg ibuprofen tab, 2 days in a row on top of endless ice, and elevation. I also didn't eat any salt heavy foods. I think it was a combination of all of the above that helped. 

I'm at the weird stage of trying to balance activities with fatigue. 

I have started washing dishes again. My mom sorts them all out and opens the cupboard under the sink, and pulls up the backed barstools. I sit on the stool, put my legs in the cupboard and pull up to the sink. Then I wash all of the light dishes and set them on the counter for someone else to dry and put away.

feeling better and incision update

Had to change my dressing today because I was getting contact dermatitis from the tegaderm. My old dressing looked great. No drainage, beyond maybe an 8th of a teaspoon of dried blood, and my staples look amazing. I'm glad they're coming out on Wednesday, because my skin is healing really well. I have 22 staples, which is one more than I had on my left.

I'm having a hard time trying not to break my hip restrictions. I keep wanting to cross my ankles this time. I'm having to tie a cushion to my leg even when I sit at the table. 

I've started tapering the percocet since I've pretty much been on it for 2 months and want to be able to be off of it when this prescription runs out. And I know that my OS expects me off of it except bedtime by the time my staples are removed.

I honestly can't wait to be off of my xarelto so I can get back on my meloxicam. My knees, ankles and elbows are all flaring.
I'm avoiding anti-inflammatories because one of the doctors told me that they inhibit bone growth and based on my personal experience with a joint fusion where I took nsaids as pain relief and the fact that it took 12 weeks to make fibrous but not boney connection when it should have been bone in 6...

Otherwise Mom and I had a lovely day. We went uptown in my neighbourhood and window shopped a but, and I took her out for lunch as a minimal thank you, for basically moving into my house in the city while leaving my dad and the cats for 2 months to help me out. 

(We picked up an old push wheelchair at a thrift store in between hip replacements because we both got really stir crazy last time. Its been a life saver allowing us to go out, since neither of us drive and walking further than the street corner is too much at this point.}

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Changed my dressing because my skin was getting irritated by the tegederm. The incision looks great and there has been no drainage. #hipreplacement #hipreplacementrecovery

A post shared by Trenna Schram (@trenna.so.hip) on May 17, 2019 at 9:56am PDT

Feel Weeks Ahead

I finally figured out why I feel like I'm weeks ahead in recovery with my right hip compared to my left hip. My surgeon corrected the leg length differential caused by the first surgery with the new hip. Since it got rid of the coxa vara femoral head that remained and corrected the angle.. He told me ahead of the surgery that he'd correct it within 2.5mm length of the other hip replacement 

I think it also helps that I have a strong hip to recover with instead of a wimpy arthritis filled hip that wouldn't have lasted another year.

And all of the knee/ankle pain that was killing me disappeared with a change in the weather. So I think some of it was just a minor arthritis flare timed with surgery

Different Recovery

Each recovery really is different. I am thankful not to have all of the bruising this time that I had last time, but I'm not a fan of the swelling I have this time. 

I had to get a pair of knee high TEDs, because I'm so swollen that I can't wear the thigh high ones. They dig in and cut the circulation off. 

Pain ways, it's weird. Surgical site and new hip feel about 1 to 2. My knee is about a 5,goes down to a 2 with pain meds, but goes up to a ten with shooting moments and my ankle gets involved too.

There's also the swelling in which my thigh doubles or triples in size. 

I'm taking it easy resting, icing, elevating. If it keeps up I'm going to call my surgeon's office tomorrow. 

I'm not doing too bad at the moment, just resting with my leg elevated. I've turned my phone off because I don't have the energy to deal with people.

I grabbed a new pair of Velcro sandles before the hip and I have to keep them on indoors, otherwise I get knee pain and stem pain if I try and walk (even with my 50% weight bearing} 

I wish it were warmer so I could sit on the porch.

HUUUURRRRRRRTSSSSSS

Did anyone else get referred stem pain all the way down to their ankle? It seems to be femur pain into the knee. Straight down into my ankle. Or is it just the fact that it's my bad knee, and it's referred knee pain. 

I knew to expect the knee pain from hip one, but the jaw clenching ankle pain was unaccounted for.

First Night Home

I didn't sleep too bad. A few sessions of 2 hours a piece is pretty fair for the first week. I forgot how terrible opioid dreams were and how weird and vivid they get. 

OTOH, I love my health care team. I had my mom drop my post-op scripts off for me at the pharmacy (she's staying with me while I recover). My pharmacist went to fill them for me and ran into a hitch with my disability/ontario drug benefit coverage. Tylenol-covered, 60 percocet-covered, iron-covered, blood thinner- rejected. 

So she called me up and chatted with me and she's like"The government is refusing to cover the blood thinners. So I'm going to call the government up to get them covered." before she asked, I said they were for my right hip which I had just had replaced on May 7, and the previous prescription had been for my left hip.

I'd hoped she'd call me back, but before I could call her the pharmacy delivery showed up with all the prescriptions. I was going to tell her that if she couldn't get it done, then I'd call my surgeon and have him rip a strip off them because he's good at doing that. 

Yay

I'm free! I'll be discharged once my mom gets to the hospital

So Swollen

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My right leg is so massively swollen. It's super uncomfortable and I think I need to ask for an anti-inflammatory. #hipreplacement #arthritis #surgery #inflammation

A post shared by Trenna Schram (@trenna.so.hip) on May 10, 2019 at 4:21am PDT